Ill be back

I’LL BE BACK Beth knew instantly that this was the flat she wanted. Close to Bromley South station, just a tube ride away from London where she worked. It was a reasonable price too she thought as she viewed the shiny marble topped units in the kitchen. Very modern, clean, two bedrooms. Great just what she wanted. “Thanks Nan” she said silently looking upward because that is where Nan was now, up in heaven. So kind of her to have left her enough money to put a deposit down on this lovely little flat.

“I’ll take it” she said to the patiently waiting Estate Agent. “What, for the asking price then?” he said “Yes, no use mucking about, you said other people are interested” “Yes quite a few but they have tried to knock down the price, you stand a very good chance if you offer the asking price” “That’s what I thought, I am keen to move in straight away and get the deal clinched”. “Right then, I will contact the owner. There is still some stuff in the loft though and the gentleman concerned has asked that you give him time to fly back from the States and get it removed, personal stuff I think” said the Estate Agent. “Oh, did he live here then before he went to the States?” said Beth nosily. “No, not him, it was his twin brother I believe but sadly he died recently”. Beth gave a little shudder “Did he die in this flat?” she had to ask. “I really don’t know, does it matter?” said the Estate Agent looking at his watch. “Well er, I guess not” said Beth hesitantly. The sale went through very quickly and before she knew it, she was ensconced in her nice little flat. She hadn’t gone mad with expense in furnishing the flat. Flicking on her laptop she logged into her Bank account statement with trepidation. The deposit and furnishings she knew had probably wiped out her small little nest egg and her wage wasn’t due in for another month. The mortgage payments would snatch a big chunk out of her salary each month. Not surprisingly, she was into her overdraft so logging off she gave a little sigh. Oh well, just have to be a bit thrifty she thought as she opened her rather expensive Cavinon bottle of red wine. She realised that from now on, it would have to be a cheap bottle of red plonk from Asda. She surveyed the room briefly and felt quite satisfied with the cheapie furniture she had bought. Great place Ikea! Dinky beige two seater lounge suite, cute little glass coffee table, red side lamp, red fluffy mat for the laminate floor. Brand new double bed just for her, a few kitchen bits and most of important of all, a big widescreen plasma telly but she had bought that from Tesco using up her vouchers. It was a Saturday evening and she felt a lot had been achieved that day with her move and now it was time to relax. Flopping down on her new two seater, she realised she was pretty tired. Her Pr job as an Advertising Assistant kept her busy all week and she had a fairly urgent assignment to do. I’ll think of something this weekend and work on it she thought but now it was switch off time from that and switch on time for her new tv. What more could a girl want, a bottle of red wine, a box of popcorn and a brand new remote control for her brand new telly. She flicked through the channels and settled on My Ghost Story on the biography channel. The heating was on and the flat had warmed up nicely. The programme was a bit scary with apparitions on film, flying orbs and ghostly faces appearing at windows. Beth suddenly felt a chill, this was not the right sort of programme to watch on one’s own. She flicked to gogglebox, and started chuckling when they revealed a new book about the prime minister putting his dick in a pig’s mouth during an initiation ceremony when he was a student at Cambridge. It would have been so much more fun if Ian was still with her, they had such fun together but that is what Ian was all about “fun” and that included cheating on her so that was the end of that. Of course she missed his companionship and the sex of course. He was very good at that but then again he had had a lot of practice hadn’t he and not just with her. Beth still felt chilly, was the heating off, was she coming down with something? Putting down her wine glass she refilled it and went in search of the thermostat. Luckily she found it straight away behind the lounge room door, she thought to herself that if she looked in the most unlikely place first she would find it. That was her experience of locating things anyway. As she peered at the dial she could see that it was on a high setting. After feeing all the red hot radiators, she shrugged and went back to her wine. As she flopped down again on the settee she was puzzled when she saw that the wine glass was nearly empty. Surely she had just topped it up, or had she drunk so much she had forgotten? The bottle only had a little left so she drained it and after a while, decided to go to her new bed. It was so comfy and all to herself as well, a nice big double bed brand spanking new. The wine had made her drowsy and she started to drift off to sleep when suddenly she felt as if someone had climbed into bed with her. She sat up startled and switched on her bedside light but there was no one there. Too much wine and thinking of Ian. She switched off the light and drifted off into a deep sleep. She woke up about four, she had dreamt that her breasts were being caressed and it was a lovely feeling. When she woke up again in the morning, she thought she must have dreamt about Ian, how nice it would have been if he had not been such a cheat and was now sharing her bed with her. It was Sunday, no rush she thought. As she sleepily made her way to the kitchen she glanced at the coffee table but there was no empty bottle on there or wine glass. She inspected further and the empty box of popcorn had gone off the lounge seat as well. She shrugged, she didn’t remember moving them into the kitchen but then again she had been a bit drunk and tired. On entering her dinky little kitchen she saw that the wine glass had been washed up and dried and was sitting on the marble top. She hadn’t bought a bin yet, completely slipped her mind but she was using the cardboard box which the tv had come in for refuse. As she peered inside it she was surprised to see that the popcorn box and wine bottle were in there. How strange she thought, she had absolutely no recollection of removing the items from the lounge or washing up her glass. The kettle boiling distracted her so she unsteadily poured the hot water from her brand new kettle into her brand new mug with “Beth” on it, tipped in some coffee granules as she hadn’t bought teaspoons yet and sloped off back to bed. The following week was busy. She thought it great that it was only a five minute walk to Bromley South station and just one train ride away from London Bridge where she got off. By Friday evening she was done in but she still hadn’t come up with an idea for a promotional ad for new designer kitchen bins. There was a promotional offer on that if a customer spent over £50 in Nasons they would get a free lucky ticket and if they won they would win one of their new designer bins. . Her brain felt like it had been through a spaghetti machine, there were no ideas forthcoming for this project so she poured herself a glass of cheap red plonk and zapped the tv with the remote. The news was on and it was still going on about this new book on the Prime Minister putting his dick in a pig’s mouth when he was a student. Suddenly, the channel must have switched and there was this really good looking guy pointing to a kitchen bin. It was just an ordinary plastic bin. He suddenly said “With the ticket you could Win the bin but if you don’t win it bin it (but only in one of our new bins of course). That was it, that was the slogan. It meant that if your lucky ticket didn’t win the bin you binned the ticket. This guy on the telly was so good looking with dark thick curly hair, big brown eyes with long lashes, cute cherubic face with a cleft chin. He was absolutely gorgeous. She couldn’t tell how tall he was on tv but he was definitely taller than the bin he was standing next to. It was on the Dave channel which she rarely watched and then a programme came on about crabs. She wasn’t interested in crabs so she switched back to the news on ITV. She hoped the remote wasn’t faulty because she thought it strange how the channel just flipped like that. Good job it did though as now she had her slogan and she knew for a fact that all the programmes on the Dave channel were historic which included the ads which were usually American. This guy was English though, he had a cut glass English accent. She guessed his age as thirty something but she reckoned that he would probably be about 60 now and those bins he was advertising were really old fashioned. These designer bins from Nasons were quite innotive but nice to look at. Stainless steel with optional pedal but on the back was a little box to put the plastic food waste container in. She made up her mind to buy her curtains in Nasons and get the free bin ticket. During that weekend it hardly took any time at all to do her presentation with the plaguarised caption, it wasn’t her fault she had “slogan block”. Her boss was absolutely thrilled with the caption and presentation. Obviously he didn’t watch the Dave channel. The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. Beth didn’t drink, she kept the flat tidy and she had bought her curtains from Nasons and got the free bin ticket. She would have to buy a bin though as she wasn’t going to win the bin, she was never lucky in lottos. She would have actually bought one in Nasons if they hadn’t been so expensive. She would get one from the pound shop next time she was in Bromley she thought as she wearily trundled home with her shopping. It was raining and cold and she wished that she had set the heating to come on earlier as it would have been nice to have gone into a nice warm flat. Only one flight of stairs and then she was in her flat but it wasn’t at all cold, it was very warm. She checked the radiator near the front door in the hallway and it was on. How odd, she thought, she was sure the timer was set for 7 pm and it was only 6 pm. She dumped her stuff in the kitchen and went to check the timer in the boiler cupboard and sure enough it said 6 pm. Had the clocks gone back or forward or whatever, she got confused about such things. Get a grip on yourself she muttered. It is October, the clocks will be going back and you have arrived at work at 9 am on the dot and left at 5 and now it is 6 and the heating is on. The timer must be faulty. It was a new flat and she wasn’t used to its idiosyncrasies. It was now Friday and she wasn’t in a mind to cook for herself. She hadn’t cooked for herself since she had been in the flat so the cooker was still lovely and clean and shiny. She undid the packet of ready cooked chicken, threw some on a plate with some coleslaw, opened her red wine and flopped in front of the tv. She was pooped. As she was watching the news again, as she did like to keep up to date with current affairs, the channel switched again to the Dave channel. She sat bolt upright, this was spooky, either that or her batteries or remote were faulty or even worse her new tv. There was that guy again on the same advert. Really good looking and saying that the winner of the bin would be announced soon. Then it switched onto the programme about crabs again. Must just be a repeat, she thought. She stayed watching the programme about crabs and then some geezer came on who was an astrologer and he said that the crab was the sign of Cancer. Was it? Well yes she sort of knew that. She was a Leo the Lion but she wasn’t much into astrology. Then all of a sudden the programme jammed and this bloke who she realised was a very young Russell Grant kept saying cancer, cancer, cancer over and over again. Beth switched it back to the news. She would have to take the telly back if it was going to play up like that. Beth, despite saying to herself that she wouldn’t finish the whole bottle she did and then she opened another one and had a glass out of that. She hadn’t slept too well during the week and she wanted to just crash and wake up about 10 then deal with the hangover when it materialised. She had stocked up on barrocas and she may even fry herself a very greasy breakfast, that would cure it. She fell into bed in just her knickers and fell into a deep sleep. She had a lovely dream, it was all mixed up with that good looking guy on the bin advert on the Dave channel and he was making love to her. Kissing her, caressing her and then a full on sexual encounter which was absolutely amazing. She woke up still dreamy about it all and then the hangover hit. This has to stop she thought, maybe I am turning into an alcoholic but it was just such a lovely dream and that guy wow if only! Beth did herself a massive fry up, it was a great cooker, gas which she liked. She had the whole works eggs, bacon, sausages, fried bread, beans and tomatoes. After eating that and taking a few barrocas she felt a lot better and made the decision that if she did drink on weekends it would only be a few glasses on a Friday and Saturday night. Never on a Sunday!

As the sausages sizzled in the pan, Beth chucked in a couple of eggswhich seemed to olook rather cremated after few minutesd, the gas was too high so she turned it down and chucked in some bacon and a lice of bread and a fewtomatoes as well. Fat was spraying everywhere, all up the tiles and by the time her jumbly breakfast was on a plate, the cooker was a right mess. Well its my cooker, I can mess it up if I want she thought. I’ll clean it later! Her four cups of coffee still hadn’t removed the hangover so after guzzling two glasses of barroca, she ran herself a deep, hot bubble bath. Beth ran herself a lovely hot bubble bath and as she sank down into the foam, she recalled again the dream she had the night before. Was it the red wine making her have these erotic dreams or was she a bit disorientated by the move? She really didn’t know but she wouldn’t have minded having a dream like that again. Her mind turned to more mundane things, she would clean the cooker which was splattered with fat and then take a walk down to the lovely Bromley Park and feed the ducks. Once dressed in her tee shirt and jeans, she put on a pinny to clean the cooker but then stared in amazement. It was sparkling clean just like it was before she started cooking. Now this is getting too weird, much too weird or was she losing her mind. Was alcohol causing brain damage, memory loss, whatever. Beth was well and truly spooked, she grabbed her keys and decided the crisp Autumn air would clear her mind and she would remember whether she cleaned the bloody thing or not. Three months went by and Beth cut right down on her alcohol consumption. She stuck to her rule that she would only have a few glasses on a Friday and Saturday night and then she was fit to work on her advertising assignments during the day and not become befuddled about things. She was constantly tired all the time, had no energy for some reason. Her menstrual cycle seemed a bit erratic these days and she put it down to the move and stress at work as they had promoted her to Chief Advertising Assistant and her work load had doubled but the money was much better. She kept the flat fairly tidy and tried not to slob in front of the tv too much. She still hadn’t bought a bin yet though, she was still using the cardboard box. One Saturday afternoon there was a knock on the door and there was a man standing there with a huge package. “For you Mam, just sign here”. She signed confused, she hadn’t ordered anything. She excitedly opened the box and to her absolute amazement there was the Nasons bin with a letter congratulating her on winning it. Wow…..she had got lucky at last! Strange though because she hadn’t received a text or email and she had left her details. She checked her emails and there wasn’t one but another one caught her eye. It was from Daniel Wenton the brother of the poor chap who had owned the flat before her. He was asking if he could drop by the next day, Sunday to pick up the effects from the loft. She emailed back and said it would be fine. There was a built in ladder to the loft but she had never been up there. Beth was still busily stuffing the rubbish from the night before her pig out in her new bin when the doorbell went, he was a bit early. When she opened the door, she took a gasp. He looked almost exactly like the good looking guy on the Dave channel. “Are you ok he enquired?” “Er yes… yes I am fine, it is just you look kinda familiar” “Have you been in the loft then and seen photos of Dave?” “Dave…..er…..oh was that your brother’s name? No I haven’t been in the loft. Do come in please” she said a bit confused and flustered. They sat drinking coffee and Dan just seemed so comfortable to be with. And boy was he good looking, literally tall dark and handsome. He told her that he had been in the States winding up a subsidiary office of Barton, Wenton and Jones, Solicitors. He was a partner in the main office in London but Washington had had some problems so he had to go out there that is why he hadn’t had the chance to pick up his late brother’s things. “Were you identical twins?” she asked. “No but we did look very much alike but we were not at all alike in temperament. For one thing Dave was a neat freak and I am well, as messy as you” he then went bright red “Sorry so sorry didn’t mean to say that” Beth laughed. “I know I am a messy cow but I have been a lot better lately and well I just won a new fantastic bin so I have no excuse not to be tidier. Beth waited at the bottom of the ladder while Dan passed down some boxes. She glanced at a photo covered in dust on top of one of the boxes, she quickly wiped it and nearly passed out because it was the man on the Dave channel. Dan came down the ladder carrying the last box himself as Beth was just standing staring at the photo. “Your brother, I saw him on the Dave channel advertising a bin” she exclaimed. “Well strangely enough he was in advertising but he was never on tv said Dan, it must have been a lookalike. Those vintage programmes date back over 30 years and sometimes the adverts are ingrained in them. Did you notice any retro décor and what about the bin itself? Beth knew it was vintage tv but if it were a lookalike then it was certainly a very good one. She thought about how they replaced Paul McCartney and that most people still thought that the Paul McCartney of today was the original. She thought for a moment about the background the lookalike was standing in. “Well yes, now I come to think of it, he was in an oak wood seventies kitchen and the bin was like one my Nan used to have and yes you are right, the programmes were old because there was a programme on crabs and astrology and it was a very young looking Russell Grant”. “There, you see, mystery solved” said Dan chuckling. “Would you like a glass of red wine?” said Beth impulsively “I would like to know a bit more about your brother if you don’t think I am being too inquisitive”. “That would be lovely, I am very partial to a glass of red wine but only one mind, I have to drive. Dave absolutely loved red wine, he was a connoisseur”. As they settled down on the new beige suite sitting side by side Dan brought out certain items from the box to show her. One was a bunch of his medical appointment cards and letters regarding his chemotherapy and radiotherapy. “What did he die from?” said Beth. “Cancer, brain cancer. Well it was a malignant brain tumour. They operated but it was too late and after that he went a bit funny. Well what I mean is I don’t know whether it was the tumour or the drugs but he got very much into astrology and reincarnation and all that stuff”. “I guess when you know you are dying, you need to try and find out about an afterlife or some purpose in life. How old was he?” “Same age as me” grinned Dan. “It is only a woman’s prerogative to withhold her age” said Beth smiling. “34 when he died in May. Our birthdays are on 28th June so we are both crabs, we are both the sign of Cancer. So I am 35 now and pushing on a bit. Dan did some very strange things though. He hated tattoos and then one day he went out into Bromley and got a crab tattooed on his left buttock. I thought it very strange at the time but he was all over the place in his head”. Beth was deep in thought and didn’t answer straight away, the programme on the Dave channel was about crabs the astrological sign for cancer and Russell Grant had said cancer three times because the programme got stuck, or did it? Why did the tv switch to the “Dave” channel? Dan’s deceased twin was called Dave. Was it coincidence that she got her slogan for the bin, was it coincidence that when she saw the ad again the guy said the winner would be announced soon? Was it coincidence that she won the bin? Was it coincidence that he was a neat freak and she found things had been tidied up? It was all a bit spooky and what about that dream she had that he was making love to her, it had seemed so real. Beth thought that Dan would think her a nutter if she made the connection so she took a big gulp of her wine and offered him some crisps. As she came out from the kitchen with the bowl of crisps she could see that Dan was reading a diary. “He kept a diary right up until the end, in fact the last entry he put here was that he believed that he would come back to this earth pretty soon but as I say he was quite confused towards the end. Had to have nurses come in daily to look after him and he was on morphine as well in the last few weeks which addled his brain even more” “So sad” said Beth shaking her head. “How old are you then Beth?” said Dan changing the subject. “30 so I’m no spring chicken either”. “Don’t be so ridiculous you are young, have you a partner, married, boyfriend, I know I am being a bit forward”. “No one, not now, the last one cheated”. “Oh sorry didn’t mean to pry.” There was a bit of an awkward silence and then suddenly out of the blue he said. “Hey, how would you like to go out to dinner next weekend, no strings? I am single and well a bit down at the moment as you can imagine losing Dave.” “I would love to said Beth” a bit too eagerly. From that date onwards they became inseparable and even though Dan had his own place in Chislehurst, he moved in with Beth. They just didn’t want to be apart and their lovemaking was constant and in Beth’s opinion, the best sex she had ever had. Unfortunately, she slipped up. It wasn’t deliberate she had started taking the pill but she was sick for a few days and missed some. Next thing she knew she was pregnant and absolutely terrified Dan would run a mile. They had only known each other three months and now she was being told that she was at least three months gone. She must have got pregnant right at the start of the relationship. To her surprise, he seemed delighted and said it was high time he became a Father and settled down and that he loved her very much and they would eventually get married. She was very big at six months and when the pains started, she panicked, it wasn’t time. Oh my God, she was going to lose her baby, it was too soon. Dan rushed her to the maternity unit at Bromley South Hospital and after the doctor had examined her he said. “You are in full labour my dear”. “I will lose the baby won’t I?” she cried. “No of course not why do you say that?” said the doctor. “I am only six months pregnant”. “Don’t be silly my dear the scans show you are full term.” Beth took a deep breath into the Entonox mask and the next thing she knew the baby boy was born. He yelled straight away and she could see he was a big baby. She was confused and so was Dan. As the nurses examined him front and back they gave a gasp when they saw his bottom. “Must be a birthmark” said one “It looks like a crab though, it looks just like a tattoo” said another nurse “Show me” said Dan. They bought the baby over to Dan and Beth who was just trying to get her breath back and then they both saw it, it was definitely a crab tattoo on his left buttock not a birthmark. It was in blue, the same size as Dave had. Dan just gasped and said “He said he would be back.” Beth took another three inhalations of her Entonox and sank her head back into the pillow. This was just too freaky for words.